Numbing…
I started off numbing…
I started off running away.
Sometimes that meant actually running.
Sometimes that meant sitting in my bathtub until I was a prune.
Sometimes it meant holding my breath until I felt something.
Just as long as I didn’t have to feel the emotions in my body…
I would hide in conversations.
Agreeing rather than saying what I really felt.
Just to keep the peace.
Just so I didn’t have to speak.
Just so I wasn’t made “wrong.”
Then for a while, I used to think that it was my responsibility to feel the bad things.
Which just made me want to leave my body.
So what did I do?
I numbed.
I would intentionally forget.
I would drink until I became a different person.
I would smoke until I couldn’t feel my body.
I would do anything just to escape.
But what was I even running from?
I didn’t even know.
It wasn’t until I began sitting with my body,
sitting with all of the emotional trauma in my body
Letting myself mourn the energies past
Letting myself accept what had been
And letting myself actually allow the feelings of what I really do want
Your body is the portal
I always knew this
I would feel things before they’d happen
I’d get so mad at myself for “not listening”
Repeating inner child conditioning.
Repeating those inner stories.
Reinforcing the self-worth of my inner child…
Of versions of me past — from this life + before
Making me want to run away even more.
What stopped that?
I faced death.
I faced it so closely I could never ignore it again.
I faced my sexuality.
I faced my shame.
I faced all of the guilt.
I was forced to.
I was forced to feel it all through my body.
Because I know that feeling good in my body is essential to doing good.
And I couldn’t stand to stay where I was at. In any regard.
So I felt it.
And I kept feeling it.
That’s where somatics came in.
Being able to hold space for myself in that way was a new level of intimacy that I had never before received from anyone.
Being able to establish that foundation with myself shifted my entire life.
The way I viewed things changed.
I became my own mother.
I became the mother that I always wanted to be.
And in that, I also became a mother who lost her child.
Who let her child go awry and who also held space for that child to come back home to herself.
My body spoke to me and I listened.
I began asking it questions.
It answered.
Through movement. Through random passing conversations.
My body became my infinite source.
Because I chose to use it as the technology that it is.
A portal for feeling.
An intuitive source of healing.
Freedom.
This is what I want for every woman.
I believe that it is so important to be deeply connected with yourself.
Because at the end of the day — you are the one making the decisions.
And you deserve to make them from a place of unconditional power.
This will shift the way you live and the way you do business. I can guarantee it.
Tap in with us on the Live masterclass APRIL 30TH at 7pm EST — get REPLAY ACCESS here