Generational Healing for the Wandering Mystic

you know how people go on drinking benders?

okay well, i go on generational healing benders lol. 

i’m just now realizing that i have ended one of the craziest benders of my life. 

after being severely triggered by the ending of my last relationship (he gave me no space & tried to take my own safety away from me by locking me in my room while we were fighting… literally cornering me)

i had a severe mental breakdown, went mute & finally realized that i was displaying neurodivergent tendencies 

after this, i went on a search (literally around the country) to pick up lost pieces of myself 

i went to cali on a similar road trip my grandma and i took when i was a girl

and on the way back, i took the route that my parents took as they moved from montana to wyoming back to iowa after having me in wyoming 

my brother was born in iowa & they moved away

i’m now realizing the severity of the psychological abuse that my grandma put on her children… the need to be perfect, right & just

all in the name of the lord

i’m beginning to realize just how deep our conditioning was & why my family fell apart the way it did

there is no one to blame

but energy sure does speak

over the last two and a half years, i’ve let my subconscious speak to me 

following the whispers of the universe & continuing to ask questions — receiving answers when i’m ready 

from this experience, i reconnected with parts of myself that i had to lose in order to be loved

i have been able to connect deeper with the women in my lineage through plant medicine work, womb work & ancestral healing

understanding their pain so that i can dismantle the pain body that lived within me

because after my last breakup, i couldnt even imagine being in another relationship until i solved the mystery of why i would act in the ways that i did 

im learning that the psychological abuse stems back way further than my grandmother & into the roots of christianity (something i’ve always innately known)

in connecting to my soul essence, my cosmic blueprint & finding myself through spirituality — i’ve been able to understand the physicality & why i was placed in this family

why my soul chose to incarnate at this time, my purpose in the grand scheme of the world & this has only helped me to move more in alignment with my purpose in my every day regular life 

i’m finding myself at peace with the past, for the first time in what feels like millennia in my lineage 

i’m moving differently

because i know differently

& it took the struggles, it took the pain to be able to sort through to find this level of clarity 

my only hope is that the world gets to experience the medicine of life the way i have… so that we can create a better future for ALL 🤍